I am going to take a minute and get really deep and emotional with you all…..
I posted this on my other blog and thought that it was maybe a better fit to this blog, so I wanted to share it here too.
My family took my child from me when he was just over a year old under the guise of it being just “guardianship” so that they could get him insurance since I had lost my job, was losing my apartment and everything was going south for me. Instead of helping me to get back on my feet my mother had my sister call my pager and trick me into telling them where I was. They showed up, took my car, left me stranded in the middle of downtown on my best friend’s doorstep and then began the process of taking my son away from me. I was 21 and scared. I had no money and no lawyer while they had plenty of both.
I did not do drugs. I was not a drinker. They did not like my boyfriend at the time and my house was messy. I was a single mother trying to adjust to a baby. There were times when there was no food in the house for me, but he always had everything he needed, whether I ate or not. But though they will tell you that I couldn’t take care of him, that was not the only reason that they took my baby boy. They also did not approve of my religious beliefs and thought that they knew better how to raise a child and so they took him from me. It is all too common these days for these grandparents to think that they know better and to destroy their children’s lives and their grandchildren’s lives by taking their grandchildren away from their rightful parents. Sadly too many of us were raised to respect our parents and to think that our parents want what is best for us…so we don’t know what to do when they are the ones that turn against us. What do you do when your parents cast you aside, take your child and then tell you that YOU are being selfish for wanting your child back? How sick and twisted does an individual have to be to think that this is ok? What mental illness tells a parent that it is ok to stop caring about your child and take everything away from them?
I have one child. I have lost 9. I will never be able to have any more children. I miss my son every single day of my life. I resent that my mother stole so much of his life from me. I resent that I was not there to hold him when he was sick or to be there when he woke up with a nightmare. I am haunted by my dad telling me that my son would wake up in the night crying for me and I was not there. I loathe them for what they have done to me…and a part of me weeps because I want to love my family. I want to be able to love my parents and have a good relationship with them but they destroyed that. Instead of helping their daughter who was lost and trying to find her way, they just cut her loose, threw her to the wolves and took away the one and only reason that she was still alive. Who in their right mind would ever think that was ok?
My son will be 14 this year. He has been taught by his grandmother that I am barely a parent. That since I only see him every other weekend, that means that I should not have any say in anything he does and that I have no right to make him mind me when I do have him. He has been taught that if he is not a christian he cannot live in their home, forcing him to choose between the life he has always known and change. My son has aspeger’s syndrome and he does not do well with change. He wants everything to just stay the way it is. So he does not have any freedom to explore what path he wants to follow as far as religion is concerned. He has been taught that I am a joke, that I am something to laugh at because I want to be his mother so much but they took that away from me. And he has been taught that it is ok to talk mean to people so long as you make them feel bad for not being able to take a joke because after all, its only words.
My mother has recently brought up wanting to adopt my son. I told her that there was no way, it was not going to happen. She has convinced him that it needs to happen and that I am selfish for not just letting her do it. I told her that I don’t trust that I would still be able to see him if she did because she has lied to me and used him against me when she did not agree with me in the past. To this I was told, “It always has to be about you doesn’t it?” This was from my mother. What I want to know, as MY mother, when is she ever going to make it about me, HER child. I know that my wants and needs are nothing when it comes to what my child needs and what is best for him. I wish to the Gods that someone would teach that woman the same lesson. I am tired of being hurt by her.
I am tired of being hurt by the one person who should have always been on my side….who should never have wanted to hurt me. And it breaks my heart.