Tests to be done on Friday….Worried about flashback….
Ok so in a totally gross turn of events I will say that I have had to do hemacults which are disgusting (slides from excrement from back door) because there has been blood. There has been a lot of blood which was scary and I went to the doc and they made me do these culture thingys. It was thoroughly disgusting and I nearly threw up several times. All three came back positive for blood so they sent me to a gastroenterologist. The gastroentrologist sent me to the hospital to do blood work and prepare for a colonoscopy on Friday. I am worried about a great many things. I am worried about the pains that I have been having and the blood. I am worried that they will find something horribly wrong with me. I am worried that I will go into a flashback.
One of my ex boyfriends raped me anally. I am worried that when I am put into conscious sedation that I will go into a flashback. This is a very real possibility with them going through the back door. I want to talk to my doctor’s office about it but I did not even think about it before hand. I will try to call them tomorrow and see if they will be able to do something different because of my trauma.
To top it off they still have not sent my FMLA paperwork back to my office so my boss doesn’t have confirmation from HR that this will be covered under FMLA and short term disability….so I may have to use my last few vacation days now instead of having time off with my family at Christmas which sucks because I have actually never gotten to take that week of Christmas off and I was looking forward to finally having the seniority to do that. **Sighs**I am freaking out a little bit. I am sad that I have to be freaking out and that I have to worry about my money situation on top of the freaking out part.
It isn’t fair! Dammit I want my real life….The one where I don’t have to worry about flashbacks or triggers and I don’t have to go for gross tests and do even grosser cultures. The one where I am healthy, happy and free from stress and strain. Where can I go to get that life back?
Posted on August 31, 2011, in Counseling, Flashbacks, Rape, sexual assault, Therapy, Uncategorized and tagged Anxiety, Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Christmas, Colonoscopy, Domestic violence, flashbacks, FMLA, Grief Loss and Bereavement, Healing, Health, Holidays, Mental health, Opinions, Sexual Abuse and Assault, Sexual assault, Sexual intercourse, Support group, Survivor, Thought, United States, Victim, Violence and Abuse. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.