I am getting to a breaking point…I may snap….

So my husband and I were awakened today by  my son knocking on the door to tell us he didn’t feel good.  My husband had the idea that my son should drink a glass of milk and take a hot bath.  What the hell???  A child that is sick does not need milk which can curdle in their stomach and does not need a “hot bath” when they are already running a fever.  I gave him some ibuprofen and asked my husband to get him some sprite.  So instead of getting a 2ltr of sprite he goes to hardee’s and gets breakfast and gets him a large sprite…like this is going to be enough for the poor kid who is sick.

After he comes home, said kid gets to feeling somewhat better and plays video games for a while so husband reiterates that a hot bath may be a good idea.  I said no but kiddo listened to his step dad because after all what does mama know, right?  Well kid takes hot bath and gets so nauseous this time he throws up.  Throws up after just taking ibuprofen so do not know if he got any of the medicine or not….can’t give him more…now my mother, which has custody of my kiddo calls and is told how my husband told him to drink milk and take a hot bath and she is in an uproar and wanting to come get him now and making me feel like I don’t know what the hell I am doing about being a mom and taking care of my sick kid….

Oh I forgot to mention that during all of this I had bought stuff yesterday to make my husband a caramel apple pie and so I was looking up the recipe and since I did not know the recipe off the top of my head like some kind of baking genius, and actually had to look up a recipe, then I was told I didn’t know what I was doing with that and if I had to look up the pie recipe he might as well do it himself.  Then he had the nerve to tell me how if I wanted to do something nice for someone I should ask them what they want instead of just assuming.  This is the manipulative shit he pulls on me when I am trying to do something nice and he makes me feel like shit for it.  Tells me if I had just asked him what he wanted then I would not have been so disappointed when he didn’t want what I was doing.  I didn’t ask him because I was going to surprise him with this beautiful caramel apple pie that he said was his favorite type of pie and that he had been asking for for a few years but I had not had the time or motivation to make it for him before.  So I was trying to make this as a surprise for him and he shits all over it and then tells me how it is my fault that he did that because I didn’t ask him first.  What kind of abusive manipulative shit is that??????  And the worst part is that he doesn’t even realize he is abusing me with this talk and this attitude.  He thinks that his behavior and his saying these things is helpful to me.  I do not know how someone can be so far off the mark as to think that this is helpful.  How can he not see that he is being very hurtful and mentally abusive to me????  How can he not see that????  And the bad part is that he is going to read this and then he is going to get all sullen and then he is going to make me feel bad for feeling this way and then he will do the same thing all over again.  This is mental cruelty that he is doing and he refuses to see it.

Oh and did I mention that this is all going on while I am trying to take care of my sick kid that has a temperature over 101?  My kid is sick and now getting upset that his mom is being talked to this way and his step dad is being hurtful and emotionally harmful to his mom while he is trying to not throw up….and I am trying not to do anything more to make my kid feel worse…trying to help him feel better and getting berated for trying to do something nice.  Being bullied because I did not have a memorized recipe and I didn’t ASK HIM before I bought the stuff to make him something he said was his favorite dessert.  Like I have to ASK HIM if I want to surprise him with anything.

My therapist told me that I should do things to make my husband feel special and less insecure and be more intimate with him.  I told him that and then came home to him thinking about all the ways that I can make him feel good….not about how he can make me feel good in return but how I can make him feel good.  As if he hadn’t had enough selfish tendencies when it comes to having sex anyways.  Now it comes back full circle to me actually trying to open back up to him after all these months of trying to let go of him being so selfish in the beginning and get back to being giving like I had always been before and he is going right back to the selfishness.


About wtfhappenedtomyreallife

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, neice, friend, confidant and I am ready to speak my mind.

Posted on August 28, 2011, in Counseling, Therapy, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. I know you don’t need me to confirm how you feel, but you are right: that is abuse. Most people will understand why you find that humiliating and condescending.

    I hope you’re okay!

    • I am ok….I want to be perfectly clear that my husband has no malice in his heart. He just doesn’t understand some things. I don’t really know how to help him understand either so it becomes this vicious cycle where he says or does something that I find hurtful and I do something or say something hurtful to him and it snowballs. I am trying very hard to work on this with him because he is such a great and loving guy. I know this sounds like abused protecting abuser but really it is not. I have been in that situation before. And I was very quick to put an end to that. I just need to figure out how to keep this together and help him understand things from where I am at too.

  2. For survivors of sexual & domestic abuse this book is very helpful to realize you can break the cycle of pain and live a healthy life.

  3. Awe (Wo)man, that’s tough, Be strong and sit ur husband down and tell him how you feel. No one should go through the pain and suffering, your going through. I’m my relationship my girl was the tough one. I always gave in to her demands and everything was her way. I was going crazy. I had a big talk with her. We’re far from perfect, but its better

    Your not alone


    • Thank you. I have talked to him and after a lot of tears and screaming and pleading with him to understand what this is doing to me, it seems that he does understand much better. He thanked me last night for talking to him about it. Things are far from perfect but we are getting there.

  4. He may not be hurting you like this deliberately, as in he may not have said to himself, “Self, go do X, Y, and Z to wtfhappenedotmyreallife”, but this is still a sign of someone out of control and manipulative.

    I used to think mine was a really good man, until shit like this (on top of the actual injuries inflicted, etc.) wore me down to the breaking point. I finally had to face the fact that “really good men” just don’t do crap like this to their partners.

    Sadly, your story sounds remarkably like mine. Things did *not* get better. Oh, they looked like they had for a while, then the cycle started up again. Over and over and over.

    A book I found after the end of things would have been hugely helpful to me, and might help you sort out what’s actually going on as well. It’s called “Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Helping You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship” – http://www.amazon.com/Good-Leave-Stay-Step-Step/dp/0452275350. Even if you’re not thinking of leaving, this will help you with how you are thinking about these issues.

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