The world I know

This post may be a little rambling.  I apologize ahead of time for that.  There is a vacuum cleaner running and I am having trouble focusing. 

I have been thinking very seriously about starting to write a book.  I don’t know if it would be a memoir type book or if I want it to be a fiction book.  I am not sure what characters I would include if it was a fiction book.  My therapist has suggested that I join a writing group…and I really do want to.  I have not had any luck with finding one yet.  I do so much better when I am given an idea of something to write.  Once I have that idea or assignment, my mind just builds it all out almost immediately and then the only trouble is getting it all out and onto the page. 

I did text based role play gaming on yahoo many years ago and for many years.  I created a fantasy world and had many guests in that world along the way.  In that world I acted out some of the things that happened to me on a fantastical scale with the female being stronger and being able to overcome what someone was doing to her…or with her getting revenge for what was done to her.  It was so empowering to me in that moment to be able to write it and have it be so. 

I wish that real life was that easy.  I wish that in real life there was a way to just write how we want it to be and make it so.  I thought that I was helping myself by doing the role play gaming but I have to wonder if I wasn’t just hurting myself more.  It is confusing.  It makes me sad to think that I contributed to my own feelings of fear and anger and sadness.

About wtfhappenedtomyreallife

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, neice, friend, confidant and I am ready to speak my mind.

Posted on August 18, 2011, in Counseling, Rape, Therapy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. As someone who has written her way out of a lot of pain, do not stop writing. One of the books that saved my life was set up in a letter writing format. The author wrote letters to his father (his abuser) every time something came up that he needed to get out. I followed along in that book and used it to model my own letters after. It was very cathartic and EXTREMELY helpful. The title of the book is “Dear Dad: Letters from an Adult Child” by Louie Anderson. While it deals with his dad’s abusive lifestyle via alcoholism, it can really be a good starting point for that type of therapy. It took me two years to write out everything I wanted and it gave me something physical to touch instead of only feeling. When I was done, it didn’t seem as big a deal anymore. You may want to try the same thing. Best wishes to you on your journey to recovery!

    • Thank you for your comment and sending this information. I greatly appreciate your support. I don’t know that I will ever get to the point where it is not a big deal anymore, but I am getting to the point where I am no longer ruled by the fear.

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