Perceptions…


I will start this entry by stating that it is not entirely about me.  In April of 2009 I got a text from a friend telling me goodbye.  Telling me that she was going to take her own life.  She and her girlfriend of 14 years were breaking up.  She had cheated on her girlfriend with a man and the girlfriend, who is also a very dear friend of mine, had had enough.  I begged her, pleaded with her not to do this thing.  She told me she was going to and asked me not to come there, not to do anything but respect her wishes.  This is where it gets ugly. 

I wrestled with myself for a couple of hours about what to do.  A part of me thought that she was just looking for attention.  Another part of me was sure that this time she was really going to do it.  That part of me won out and I called the police.  I told them what was going on and told them the address.  When they got there she was not very coherent and they got an ambulance to take her to the hospital.  I cannot remember all the details about what had happened but I began getting very hateful texts from  her calling me a bitch and a whore.  Telling me that she wished I would die.  She was very angry.  I guess in her perception I had kept her from doing what she desperately wanted to do.  In my perception I saved her life.  She has a son, who is also autistic.  Her son was 14, or was just getting ready to turn 14,  at the time.  However verbally abusive she could be at times, he still needed her. 

Since this she has gotten help.  She was forced to, but I really don’t think that she ever would have if she had not been forced to.  She is also a survivor of sexual assault.  She is a survivor of incest and repeated assault by a family member and then later by others.  She is my friend and she is a very strong woman, even if she doesn’t know it or believe it.  Regardless if we ever speak again, I will never regret what I did.  I would rather her be alive and mad at me but able to be there for her child, than for her to be dead and know I could have done something to help her.    I hope that some day she reads this.  I hope that someday she understands and wants to be my friend again.  Until then I will wait.  I know if the situation had been reversed she would have saved me.

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About wtfhappenedtomyreallife

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, neice, friend, confidant and I am ready to speak my mind.

Posted on August 10, 2011, in Counseling, Therapy, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. You did the right thing, absolutely. I’ll always wish that I had been able to do the same thing for someone I cared about xx

  2. I think you were very brave to call for help. That was a tough decision for you to make, and I think that erring on the side of caution was the right thing to do — the only thing you could do. I know you want her to forgive you, but I think this goes way beyond that. Now that she’s getting the help she needs, she will realize what you’ve done and come to you when she’s ready. Be patient and give her the space she needs — I know you will be waiting with open arms. You are a good friend..

    • I hope that in time she will come around and know that it was for the best that I did what I did….but even if she does not, I am ok with that. Like I said, I would rather her be alive and hating me then be my friend and no longer be alive. I love her. I wish only the very best for her. I really hope that she finds happiness and peace in this life.

  3. Dear WTFHAppened to myreallife,
    First of all I know you might have meant well, but before calling Police, I would have driven by and see what the helll was going on with my friend. Calling the authorities was the easy way out! My friend would have needed a buddy and not law inforcement. Have you thought of it this way? I think your friend would have not gotten mad if you would have taken the first step. If she really tried to commit suicide I still would have had time to call the help from her house./This is in my eyes FRIENDSHIP. At some points in your story, I feel like you see yourself a hero, now try to see it from your friends side. In her eyes she cried out for help and you debnied it by taken the short cur. Besides I wouldn’t have waited hours, if I would get a text, Emai or call from ANY of my friends, I would climb in my car and look oput for this person myself.That is a TRUE friend.
    Now to your whole story…what tf does this entry have to do with sexual assault or battery??? Just asking…….

    • Thank you for your response. First let me say that I did not live close enough to go to her or I would have. If I had lived close enough then I would have been there. As for why I waited, I didn’t know whether she was serious because she had threatened things like this before. I didn’t want to make her angry at me if she wasn’t really doing something to end her life but I didn’t want to not do something and have it end up that she was serious. I checked on her with a few people and I did talk to a few others for their feelings on it. NO ONE believed she would really do it but something didn’t feel right. And as for what this has to do with sexual assault….I cannot tell her story as it is not mine to tell. She is a survivor as am I and the abuse that she went through ran from her childhood into adulthood. She was very messed up emotionally and psychologically from the abuse and the assaults. This gave her a very warped view of reality and her own worth and her own strength. This story was not told to anger anyone or make me feel like a hero. That may be YOUR perception of what you have read.

  4. I think it was friend-like for her to say goodbye to you, but if she really wanted to die and not be interfered with she shouldn’t have tipped anyone off and just left a note with her goodbyes in it.

    That sounds really bad, like I am coaching the suicidal, but…. I just had to say it.

    I think it was abusive of her to tell you she was going to kill herself and expect you to just let her. As a friend, you only want to help and protect her, even if you have to protect her from herself. She should have thought of the emotional turmoil such a thing caused you and what a horrible position she put you in.

    I do believe that people have the personal right to kill themselves, but I would interfere any way I could for anyone I cared for. (If the person were terminally ill and wanted to kill themselves, I wouldn’t interfere.) I would try to talk them out of it, I would call the police, I would recommend therapy and inpatient care if necessary.

    I agree that you did the right thing, even if she hates you and is no longer your friend.

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