I will start this entry by stating that it is not entirely about me. In April of 2009 I got a text from a friend telling me goodbye. Telling me that she was going to take her own life. She and her girlfriend of 14 years were breaking up. She had cheated on her girlfriend with a man and the girlfriend, who is also a very dear friend of mine, had had enough. I begged her, pleaded with her not to do this thing. She told me she was going to and asked me not to come there, not to do anything but respect her wishes. This is where it gets ugly.
I wrestled with myself for a couple of hours about what to do. A part of me thought that she was just looking for attention. Another part of me was sure that this time she was really going to do it. That part of me won out and I called the police. I told them what was going on and told them the address. When they got there she was not very coherent and they got an ambulance to take her to the hospital. I cannot remember all the details about what had happened but I began getting very hateful texts from her calling me a bitch and a whore. Telling me that she wished I would die. She was very angry. I guess in her perception I had kept her from doing what she desperately wanted to do. In my perception I saved her life. She has a son, who is also autistic. Her son was 14, or was just getting ready to turn 14, at the time. However verbally abusive she could be at times, he still needed her.
Since this she has gotten help. She was forced to, but I really don’t think that she ever would have if she had not been forced to. She is also a survivor of sexual assault. She is a survivor of incest and repeated assault by a family member and then later by others. She is my friend and she is a very strong woman, even if she doesn’t know it or believe it. Regardless if we ever speak again, I will never regret what I did. I would rather her be alive and mad at me but able to be there for her child, than for her to be dead and know I could have done something to help her. I hope that some day she reads this. I hope that someday she understands and wants to be my friend again. Until then I will wait. I know if the situation had been reversed she would have saved me.
Posted on August 10, 2011, in Counseling, Therapy, Uncategorized and tagged Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Friendship, Grief Loss and Bereavement, Healing, Mental health, Perceptions, Personal life, Psychology, Sexual assault, Suicide, Survivor, Victim, Violence and Abuse. Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.