So I am about to embark on a new leg of this journey….Counseling….


The appointment is set.  I have actually given the counselor the link to this site so that she can get to know what a tangled mess she is getting into before I get there.  I am nervous about taking this step.  I am nervous because it means that I finally have to deal with this.  I have to deal with this in a constructive way that will help ME.  I am much better at trying to help others and get others to the right places to get help.  I am not so good at telling myself that maybe just maybe I need to deal with this better than I have been in the years past.

It is all very vivid in my mind.  All of the men that hurt me…I can see them all right there in my mind.  I can feel what I felt then.  I can see them over me and feel myself praying for it to end.  It doesn’t help at all having that be such a vivid memory.  I had a head injury about 6 years ago.  Why did these memories not go away like some of the others?  Why did I keep the bad memories and not the good?  It is frustrating to not remember the name of a favorite song or movie but to have this be clear as the day it happened in my mind.

I really hope that this counselor can help me to be able to deal with this and maybe help me with coping techniques.  I really hope that I am not too far gone for her to be able to help me.

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About wtfhappenedtomyreallife

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, neice, friend, confidant and I am ready to speak my mind.

Posted on August 4, 2011, in Rape and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. HUGS! This is a brave step, and it is ok to be scared, I’m guessing your a caretaker, so doing something for yourself would be uncomfortable/scary. It is ok 🙂 I’m willing to bet you have the courage to see this through. As for being too far gone, I doubt it, any good counselor should be able to help you pick up the pieces and rebuild your life. All it takes is patience and time. 🙂 Good Luck!

    Jodie

  2. You are never too far gone to deal with what happened to you….after I was raped I saw a counselor about a year after the incident, in between that I had 15 sexual partners………and 13 of them coerced and manipulated me into sex after I said no……i felt like every time I had sex I was being raped all over again. But the best thing ever happened, I took a class called “women’s studies” and it introduced me to the concept of feminism and then I went to counseling and with the counselors help I started to deconstruct my experience, let go of my self hatred, shame and blame and heal…………it will always be a process….you will NEVER forget but counseling will help you fight the self condemnation, and shame when those memories come back and it will help to build up your self control so you can overcome! …..I’m rooting for you

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