So I am about to embark on a new leg of this journey….Counseling….
The appointment is set. I have actually given the counselor the link to this site so that she can get to know what a tangled mess she is getting into before I get there. I am nervous about taking this step. I am nervous because it means that I finally have to deal with this. I have to deal with this in a constructive way that will help ME. I am much better at trying to help others and get others to the right places to get help. I am not so good at telling myself that maybe just maybe I need to deal with this better than I have been in the years past.
It is all very vivid in my mind. All of the men that hurt me…I can see them all right there in my mind. I can feel what I felt then. I can see them over me and feel myself praying for it to end. It doesn’t help at all having that be such a vivid memory. I had a head injury about 6 years ago. Why did these memories not go away like some of the others? Why did I keep the bad memories and not the good? It is frustrating to not remember the name of a favorite song or movie but to have this be clear as the day it happened in my mind.
I really hope that this counselor can help me to be able to deal with this and maybe help me with coping techniques. I really hope that I am not too far gone for her to be able to help me.
Posted on August 4, 2011, in Rape and tagged Blog, Blogging, Blogs, Books, Grief Loss and Bereavement, Health, Marriage, Mental health, People, Rape, Relationships, Sex, Sexual assault, Shopping, Survivor, Thought, Victim. Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.