Panic and Anxiety

You know that feeling you get sometimes?  That one that makes your mouth feel all dry and your throat feel like it is going to close up? Your stomach feels like it is falling fast from a great height and your heart is pounding?  That feeling of anxiety and panic that courses through you sometimes when you are put into a situation that you are not comfortable with or where you feel you have absolutely no control?


Imagine having that feeling when nothing is going wrong.  When you are laying in your own bed relaxed.  Just cuddling up with your husband and then maybe start making out, possibly preparing to move into more intimate territory.  Than WHAM!  That panic hits.  Nothing he did or you did wrong or intentionally.  It is just there.  There is nothing to do but ride it out.  How do you forgive the monster/s that caused this?  How do you tell yourself that you forgive them when such tender sweet moments as this are completely lost to the panic and anxiety?  I still have not gotten there.  Even my dreams are affected by the nightmares of what happened to me.  Some days I don’t have any trouble.  Sometimes my husband and I can be intimate and there is no flashback and no panic attack….then other times it is just there.  I still cannot figure out a way to predict or to prevent this from happening.


About wtfhappenedtomyreallife

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, neice, friend, confidant and I am ready to speak my mind.

Posted on August 3, 2011, in Rape and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Michelle Whitehead

    We have much in common…..and I mean a LOT!
    I am a survivor as well. I’ve been raped twice, molested by a family member, and more. I get it. I know what it’s like to want to be truly intimate with your husband, but you just can’t get your mind there. I get it. The pain is beyond describable.

    Maybe some of my journey will help. Hope you take time to read it.

    Michelle Whitehead

    • Thank you so very much Michelle. I have gone to your site. You are right, we do have a lot in common! I am so sorry to know that you have gone through these things. I am so glad you found me on here and I hope that we can become friends and make this journey together.

  2. I could have wrote this post myself. It’s something that if a person hasn’t experienced then they can’t really understand it. Sometimes I swear my husband is psychic because or is really good at reading my moods because he seems to know exactly when to comfort me and when to back away and give me some space.

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