The third time….

I had just lost my apartment. My friend Jody had moved into my old apartment like a week after I had moved out. I was visiting her one night and two of her friends she had known for a while from Talk City were coming over to hang out. Jody was pregnant with her oldest boy at the time. I was 22 and had just broken up with a guy I had been on and off with for over a year and a half. We all went out to the bar that her dad’s band was playing at. We hung out there and yes a few of us drank. I have noticed that it is not a good idea to drink around guys that I don’t know too well. Well we went back to Jo’s apartment and she and the guy she was interested in wanted to be alone so we went into the bedroom that had been my son’s room when I lived in that apartment. I had brought over my cd player and so we laid on the floor in there listening to music and just talking for a long time. He started getting touchy feely and red flags went up in my mind. I told him no that I did not want to do that with him cause I didn’t know him at all and I was not that kind of girl. He waited until I was asleep, or rather, had passed out….I don’t get that drunk anymore…not unless my husband is there with me. But he rolled me over onto my stomach and grabbed my hips…he pulled my shorts off and my panties too. He then began to fuck me. I couldn’t believe that this was happening again. I really couldn’t. I was 22 and I was being raped for the third time. It seemed like every 3-4 years it was happening to me. I felt sick and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want Jody to know what was going on. She was emotionally unstable at the time and I remember thinking…I have gotten through this before I can get through it again. I later found out that I was not the first girl he had done it to.

*This post was originally posted on Pandora’s Aquarium on February 11, 2007


About wtfhappenedtomyreallife

I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, cousin, granddaughter, neice, friend, confidant and I am ready to speak my mind.

Posted on July 26, 2011, in Rape and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. My heart aches for you, who felt you had to be silent, not cry out for help. We are so willing to sacrifice ourselves and suffer, for fear of bothering or disturbing others. Sometimes I look at myself and wonder how I came to think so little of myself, that I didn’t demand help, that I put everyone else before myself.

    I imagine you felt guilty, that you “knew better”, shouldn’t have drank that night in strange company, etc. I imagine this thought has beat through your mind many times: “this keeps happening to me, I must be doing something wrong”. But of course you were never to blame, not the first, second, third time. Never to blame.

    • Thank you so very much Imago. I know now that I should have known that I was worth more than to just stay silent. It was a very bad time in my life. I had lost my job, lost my apartment, my mother had taken my son from me and forced me to sign custody papers over to her…this was on more log on the fire. Looking back now I want to scream for them to hear me…for anyone to listen to me and help me instead of the one person who should have loved me enough to help me, hurting me the way she did.

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